During our Inspired Parenting seminars especially during the Ultimate bonding workshop, we discuss giving freedom and unconditional love to children. Parents get worried about how freedom and unconditional love will further spoil their aggressive and stubborn teenager’s. Is there a way to fix their behaviour?
It is all about handling children’s negative emotions, by showing them proof of your unconditional love, by doing proper tantrum management. Unconditional love and tantrum management is all part of our Ultimate bonding workshop. We go into the details of How children see love, what is the proof of unconditional love, how to listen and understand a child, how to do tantrum management where we stick to our word and at the same time compassionately show the child that we understand her with our unconditional love.
Conditioning of the child
If child’s emotions and tantrums are not handled correctly in the first 7-10 years for the child, there will be conditioning in the child where she forms her beliefs that _nobody understands her_ and parents will love her as long as she complies. Additionally, as her negative emotions have not got proper vent, emotionally the child may be moody -> temperamental -> aggressive personality, respectively depending on how much of her feelings are festered.
A child doesn't come with buttons
Unfortunately, children don’t come with buttons or remote! Hence the way back to this is only through expressions of unconditional love and allowing the child (even in her teens) to throw a tantrum so that she will be unconditioned after receiving the proof. Unconditioning of the child’s emotional patterns can be a long hard journey if we are not used to it, especially with teens. However, I can assure you that there will be a beautiful relationship with your child at the end of it. Besides by doing this, you will teach your child how to create a beautiful relation.
Shift from control to understanding
Unfortunately, force and fear will always _appear_ to give you immediate results and compliance, however, that is still temporary or with permanent damage to the child’s personality that limits her potential. I suggest using 90/10 rule where we apply 90% freedom-understanding-love in our parenting that builds _love credit_ in our relationship with the child. The for 10% critical things, we can use force and fear to take care of Health and Misbehaviour. Since there is enough _love credit_ it is easy for the child to comply.